The Retreat Chronicles

Today marked a great day for me. Today, I made it official that I will not be returning to work at the Retreat next semester. In order to celebrate, I would like to share with you a few of the...erm... interesting moments I've had there.

Chronicle 1: I'm Feeling Rather Clammy...
Scene: I was working in the back Wednesday during Retreat lunch (which, as some of you may or may not know, is for faculty and staff and their guests only, and we serve food nicer than the food students get in the dining halls) and one of the menu items was Clams. Yes, clams. Not like the kind you get at Long John Silvers...I mean the ones with the shells and everything. I was boiling these clams until they opened, because that is how they are cooked or whatever. My cook was getting some stuff ready and the waitress goes, "You know those are alive when you're first putting them in the water, right?"
Me: ...what?
Cook: You're bluffing.
Waitress: No, I'm not. They open their mouth in the water when they're dead.
Me: *freaks out in mind*
Cook: I don't believe you, I'm asking Chef White.
*She goes to get Chef White and asks*
Chef: Yeah... did you really not know that?
Cook: No.
Me: Awesome, I totally just killed about 80 clams....



Chronicle 2: That's not my name.
Scene: I'm working at the Retreat on a Tuesday night. I had been working there for about 3 months at the time. My co-worker named Mary, whom I work with twice a week, is trying to get my attention.
Mary: Anna!
Me: *does usual work-like stuff...most likely cleaning some mess up.*
Mary: Anna!
Me: *continues working*
Mary: ANNA!
Me: *turning around, looking confused as to whom she's talking to.*
Mary: Anna, could you change out the *insert food item here*
Me: My name isn't Anna...
Mary: Oh...then what is it?
Me: ...Emily *points to name tag*
Mary: Oh, well I was close!



Chronicle 3: Those Dishes Don't Clean Themselves!
Scene: I am working the retreat lunch shift, and I was washing the dishes for two cooks, Tami and Shawn. A third cook named Cindy starts working at the station next to me and sees all the dishes I have been doing. Tami then comes up to talk to me.
Tami: Thank you very much for doing all those. We really do appreciate what you students do for us!
Me: *Feels accomplished*
Cindy: Yeah, who else would do your dishes for you? *sarcastic tone*
Tami: *doesn't reply*
Me: *making this face --> O.o*
Cindy: Note that she didn't respond back. She knows its true. The only reason most of these cooks appreciate you students is because they just make you do all their dishes so they don't have to do them and they can do less.
Me: Yeah, I kind of gathered that.
Cindy: I think that is so wrong of them to do. They don't even help you! When I have a helper, I don't make them do my dishes. They didn't make them messy, so why should they have to clean them? *walks away and does whatever she normally does*

I would like to note that I actually ended up getting off work about 15 minutes late this day because Tami and Shawn once again bombarded me with all of their dishes and spent the rest of their shift in the break room. This was the same week as my most recent conference with Professor McArdle. As I was going to his office, I saw Shawn driving in his car. As he was passing by, I shot him a dirty look and continued on my merry way.



Chronicle 4: Pickles!
Scene: I was working the Retreat lunch with Tami and Shawn, and they asked me to get pickles. We have many types of pickles, so I asked which kind. They told me the kind that goes on a burger. So naturally, I go for the kind that looks like they come off of a McDonald's burger.
Me: *arrives with pickles*
Tami: These aren't right! These don't go on burgers!
Me: Actually, there are many burgers that get these particular kind of pickle...like, every burger I've had.
Tami: No. You're wrong. I want the long, slender pickle slices.
Me: *huffs and walks back to where we keep all the pickles*
The pickles she wanted had not been open yet. So I was supposed to open them. Me, being really weak and freezing since the pickles are in the giant refrigerator, was unable to open them after trying for fifteen minutes. I eventually got someone else to open them for me.
Tami: Thank you! Now THESE are burger pickles!
*a few minutes later...*
Chef: Tami, why are you using these pickles? These aren't the right type of pickles!
Tami: Uh, okay, then what type do I need?
Chef: The ones that are small and round. They look like they come off of... uh...shoot...
Me: Like they come off a McDonald's burger?
Chef: Yes! Now please, go get some of those and use them.
Me: *satisfied with knowing the right type of pickle and goes to get the original pickles I started out with*



Chronicle 5: Is Chicken of the Sea Tuna or Fish?
Scene: I was working Retreat lunch and needed something to do. The chef comes and gives me a "mission." He leads me into the giant refrigerator.
Chef: What I want you to do is transfer all this tuna I made into these containers.
Me: *looks at all the tuna, and then the environment* In here?
Chef: Well, yeah, of course! Well, have fun! *leaves*

The refrigerator was at a below-freezing temperature. I had no protection for my arms and my work shirt only went about to my elbows. I came out about forty minutes later when I finished. My glasses fogged up from the drastic temperature change and my arms, hands, and fingers were a beautifully red-purple color for about a half hour.



There's more where that came from, trust me...